“April 1, 2015. It was a day like any other. Standing at my kitchen counter, I was making my coffee, breakfast underway for Grace. “Five more minutes,” she said. She always wants five more minutes to sleep.”
“The phone rings. I hate the phone, it scares me.” Dear Jack, a love letter.
April 1, 2018. This is a day like any other. Three years since Jack’s death and everyday feels the same. Waking up to the thought that I have lost my son. All my fears have been realized, now I’m not afraid of anything. My regret and grief is part of my daily routine. My continued practice of meditation, writing, journaling has continued up until this very minute.
April 1, 2018. Today is the day that I completed my book for me and Jack. It was the only way I knew how to re-live our life together. Every letter, every chapter brought Jack back to life, some moments so precious and others so frightening. I could hear our voices as I wrote, I could reach out and touch him through the pages. Now it is complete, the book is closed. Now what? How do I keep him alive, his life alive?
It is through others reading our pages. It is through you sharing this story with those who are in the clutches of addiction or their loved ones who are grieving a loss. Do not shoulder it alone. The staggering numbers of our youth struggling with addiction and deaths to opioids is beyond comprehension. This is my effort to help. The book will be sold on my website, Dearjack.love, on Amazon and Barnes and Noble in the weeks ahead.
There are resources in the back pages for addiction and recovery and for grief and loss. You will find helpful books, videos, websites and articles that may help you or someone you love. I will continue to search for alternative options, new innovative solutions and any information I can find and post it on my website.
I am working on a forum on the site also so we can have discussions and help one another around the topic of addiction and loss. It is a terribly lonely place to be, it must have been for Jack, and now it is for me. I hope this will be helpful.
I learned this sweet Hawaiian prayer from my teacher in Martha’s Vineyard, I can’t say it without crying, it captures every feeling I have today and everyday.
I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you