I’ve Got Your Back

I have found myself in areas so foreign to me. I decided to chronicle my and Jack’s life in a book, Dear Jack, that releases hopefully, April 1.  April 1 is significant as it will be three years since my twenty one year old son, Jack, died from an overdose. Our lives hurled into grief and desperation. Unfortunately, this is not unfamiliar.

The publishing industry is foreign to me, rights, copyrights, optioning the book, all of this terminology that I never used. I would have been happy to take this manuscript and keep it to myself. But there is something driving me. And it’s not me.

If you knew Jack, you would know if you were on his team (Team Jack) if he loved you, he would do anything. Now, I know this, yet why did he steal from me, lie to me and disrespect me if he loved me so much? It wasn’t him. It was the drugs. If anyone crossed me, if he felt me or his family or friends were mistreated, watch out! He had our backs. What a conflict. He always had our backs, yet treated us badly. It wasn’t him, it was the drugs. He would say, “Mom, I’ve got you.” I know you loved me. You always had our backs.

Remember your loved one is suffering too. Their little child self is inside, their true self always remains. Drugs are just bad, covers our little souls with darkness. Try to hold this truth close to your heart. Do everything to save them.

I am continuing along this book-publishing route, and possibly a screenplay. What? I am a lot of things, mom, nurse, executive, consultant, yoga teacher but author? It’s not me, it’s Jack. He has my back. I can actually feel it. When I can’t think of the next line, or who I am to call next, snap, it comes right to me. Big decisions to make, it comes to me.

It is more like support. When I lay down I feel his support, his big hands and arms lowering me to flat. This loss is too much to bear, but I do feel you Jack. I know you have my back while I walk down this oh so unfamiliar road. This effort is driven by you to help others, to share what we have learned together. Now I’ve got your back, I will tell your story.

Ok. I’ll keep going. Let’s hope this book has the power to help heal those afflicted or grieving. I hope so. I’ve got your story to share, and you’ve got my back.

I love you too.





  1. Tracy

    The force/Jack is with you. I know there is no stopping you even if you wanted to. Your voice and the voices of others struggling and affected by this terrible far too common disease will be heard thru your book your words your grief your strength. I love you Barbara. You are not alone. Xoxoxo