“With Kali energy, I lifted Jack into the front seat. That’s what it had to be. Jack was two hundred and twenty pounds, and I lifted him into the car. He was so messed up. He couldn’t walk. I didn’t know what to do. I was distraught. I drove him home.” Dear Jack, a love letter.

Depicted in statue and illustration, Kali is dark blue or black. She is a fierce force of nature. She holds the bloody head of a demon in one hand while the other holds her knife. She is stepping on Shiva lying in a prone position, while she drinks the blood of the victim.

Kali is the destroyer of evil forces, she has been worshiped as the Mother of the Universe, The Divine Protector, the one who bestows liberation.

She is a symbol of Mother Nature herself. Creative, nurturing and devouring in turn, but ultimately loving and benevolent. In this aspect of herself she is referred to to as Kali Ma, Mother Kali, or Divine Mother, and many millions of Hindus revere and worship her in this form.

In Tantric meditation, Kali’s dual nature leads practitioners to simultaneously face the beauty of life and the reality of death, with the understanding that one cannot exist without the other.


Kali Ma, Kali Ma, Kali Ma


Whether physically male or female we all have both masculine and feminine energies. The Kali energy is not for females only! I have experienced her raw power, the badass goddess who represents fierce love. “Like the strength gathered when a mother lifts a car off her child,” my teacher Sherry would say.

I wish I could harness her love and power and put an end to the crisis my child and so many others face. “That don’t fuck with me or my kids love.” Dear Jack, a love letter.






    My dear friend you are both a woman of strength and a strong woman,
    love you,
    Lynnie X

  2. Tracy

    How many sentences will we start with “I wish” before we stop. How many times will we say “if only I had, if I had just,” before we finally forgive ourselves. You were Kali all the time but it wasn’t enough because what grabbed your beautiful Jack was stronger than all the strength of all the Kalis. You did everything Barbara. You are amazing you are loved you are not alone.